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February 25, 2009

Polar bear snuff porn horror

 Polar bears and huskies meet in this super-cute video, showing a scarcely believable cuddly side to these snowy behemoths:
 
 
But wait. Wait. Is this cute? Or is it some twisted husky snuff porn horror we just don't get?
 
Ok. Film begins. Huskies and polar bears mingle, play, nuzzle - it's all cute, right? Then watch - at 1min 8secs - Boom! The polar bear bites the huskies head. Whole husky head in polar bear mouth. We know what's coming - oh, god, no... I can't watch...!
 
Cuts away to cute polar bear rolling in the snow. We're back looking at a normal thing. Cute bears, dogs... it's all good... Oh my god! 1min 29secs - bestiality! Polar bear on dog sex. And I don't think the dog's that into it. Just watch. That dog's not having a good time. Don't be heeding that banal and benign voice over - this is some dark, dark shit we've stumbled upon here. And I for one am disgusted!
 
And if you have ANY doubts about the cruelty and horror you're beholding here, just look at the guy watching over the whole damn debacle: it's Bob from Twin Peaks!
 
 
The Black Lodge! The Black Lodge! The polar bears are fucking and eating the huskies! And not always in that order! Pleh! Pleh! Tnega Repooc! Pleh!
 
Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

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Filed under  //   Humour   Polar bears   porn   Twin Peaks   Video  

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January 12, 2009

"Internet is about porn!" Big Brother boiler declares during heated intellectual discourse

"Let's face it - and this is FACT - the internet is primarily about information for most people, but primarily the internet is about porn." Thus spaketh TV's Tina Malone.

Now, I know some of the hippy, free-love-loving, geek-types among you will be dropping your iPhones, choking on your Chai and saying "No way, dude! The 'Nets, like, totally way more than just porn!" But, listen - TV's Tina has spoken - and she has spoken FACT. Using elaborate Socratic discourse, Tina Malone has made an emphatic and irrefutable point about our internet-obsessed (see porn-wracked) society. And she has made it well. God bless Celebrity Big Brother.

Tina goes on to lay the Connect-disconnect debate to rest with a simple "Who the fuck wants to turn on a computer and go 'Oh my friend's really depressed...'?" [Mimes typing like a twat.] "Ring 'em up! Go round! 'Ave some soup!" Finishing with impressive Satrean flourish: "Fucking computer."

Fellow contestants, the likes of Coolio and Mini-Me Vern Troyer, are left to muse upon these reflections. Perhaps mulling over their best philosophical retorts and gambits. Or simply looking at TV's Tina Malone and considering that she is the very living embodiment of Hobbes' humanity: poor, nasty, brutish and short.

Tina Malone (Mimi Maguire in Shameless)

Keep th' faith,

Article Dan

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Filed under  //   Big Brother   Humour   internet   porn   Stupidity   Tina Malone   Video  

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July 13, 2008

12 seconds of fuck all?

Would you look at this: http://12seconds.tv/

Now, I don't want to be a killjoy, the grouch in the bin of 2.0, but surely, surely, SURELY this is a massive waste of bandwidth mascarading as video micro-blogging? Twitter for video? I just have my doubts about this kind of twattery. I mean - browse around the videos. It's like Seesmic but without the conversation. And Seesmic's bad enough as web-waste goes.

This really puts the 0 in web 2.0

OR...

It's excellent. Shortformidablé! 12 seconds of humanity in all it's web-cammed glory. Video Haiku. Peppy picture poetry.

So far, browsing, I have seen some amusing takes on the form - 12 second burps, 12 second songs, 12 second cum shots... No, wait. That wasn't there. Maybe it should be. Is there a rule that says I can't post up 12 seconds of porn? YouPorn condensed. Cut out the boring bits. Boom!

12 seconds. A man can get a lot done in the love department in that time. Just ask my partner.

We've gone from 12 seconds of fuck all to 12 seconds of all fuck. These guys should pay me for this kinda gold.

Keep th' faith.

Dan

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Filed under  //   12 Seconds   Bad taste - don't read this   Humour   internet   porn   Social media   Video   web  

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